Category Archives: Holidays we hate

Things That Many People Like That I Don’t Really Like All That Much

While I’m making lists (see New Year’s Resolutions for Other People) here’s another one.

  1. New Year’s Eve—Falls into the category of Holidays We Hate
  2. Old black and white movies—Why, when there are so many new ones in color?
  3. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel—Yes, it’s in color but I still don’t like it and I couldn’t figure out why, given the fabulous clothes and super charming Rachel Brosnahan. Emily Nussbaum nailed it in her New Yorker review entitled (and this says it all) ‘The Cloying Fantasia of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” which she summed up as “tooth-rottingly twee,” even while lamenting it was “so far up my alley it was practically chopping onions in my kitchen.”
  4. Orchids—On a TV show set they are shorthand for “fancy law office,” and in someone’s house, “this home is for sale.”
  5. Bob Dylan—Lyrics, great! Voice, not great!
  6. Honey mustard—I love both honey and mustard but not together
  7. Beer—But I do like an ice-cold Bud Lite with Lime on a (and I do mean just one) hot summer day
  8. Facebook—Would it be OK if I just shut it down? It annoys me mightily.
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New Year’s Resolutions for Other People

If I write no other posts during a calendar year (and I write very few) there’s always this one, in which helpfully help others make New Year’s Resolutions. You’re welcome!

To: Shampoo & Conditioner Package Designers 

There are lots of big words on these bottles relating to ingredients like ADZUKA BEANS and benefits like VOLUMIZING. Much, much smaller—and oftentimes in a less-bold font and color—are the words that help you distinguish the shampoo from the conditioner, a task made harder by the whole no-glasses in a steamed-up shower situation. So I have to guess and I always guess wrong. Suggestion: Make the font for ‘shampoo’ and ‘conditioner’ some combination of large, bold and dark, unless the bottle is dark then make it light. Readability is what we’re after here.

ToGoogle

So AI probably has some super useful applications. But one of them is not predicting what I’m going to type next. All of this started with gmail suggesting a few responses I could select if I were feeling really lazy—’sounds like a plan!’ and the like. But yesterday I was attaching an edited document to an email with the explanation that revisions were …. and while I was thinking “highlighted in yellow,” that’s what the Google filled in. So specific! So not really guessable! So creepy!

To: People on Crowded Subway Cars With Backpacks On That Practically Knock Me Over When They So Much as Back Up a Bit

Take them off.

To: the Person Who is Watching a Movie on Amazon Prime With Me Right This Very Minute

Stop talking so much.

 

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funny valentines

Store-bought (there’s that word again) Valentine’s Day cards: why are they so goofy, so replete with horrible puns, so – weirdly — menacing? These days, someecards corners that market:

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But even vintage Valentine’s cards express the rage, confusion and mixed-emotions the day brings. Has it always been a holiday to celebrate only ironically?

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unhappy easter

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Why do people always look so miserable in family Easter photos? Is it the weak April light? The church clothes? The ham?

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