If I write no other posts during a calendar year (and I write very few) there’s always this one, in which helpfully help others make New Year’s Resolutions. You’re welcome!

To: Shampoo & Conditioner Package Designers 

There are lots of big words on these bottles relating to ingredients like ADZUKA BEANS and benefits like VOLUMIZING. Much, much smaller—and oftentimes in a less-bold font and color—are the words that help you distinguish the shampoo from the conditioner, a task made harder by the whole no-glasses in a steamed-up shower situation. So I have to guess and I always guess wrong. Suggestion: Make the font for ‘shampoo’ and ‘conditioner’ some combination of large, bold and dark, unless the bottle is dark then make it light. Readability is what we’re after here.

To:  Google

So AI probably has some super useful applications. But one of them is not predicting what I’m going to type next. All of this started with gmail suggesting a few responses I could select if I were feeling really lazy—’sounds like a plan!’ and the like. But yesterday I was attaching an edited document to an email with the explanation that revisions were …. and while I was thinking “highlighted in yellow,” that’s what the Google filled in. So specific! So not really guessable! So creepy!

To: People on Crowded Subway Cars With Backpacks On That Practically Knock Me Over When They So Much as Back Up a Bit

Take them off.

To: the Person Who is Watching a Movie on Amazon Prime With Me Right This Very Minute

Stop talking so much.